Not sure if any of you know, but my cycle has been highly irregular. It's been irregular since I lost my full time job last year. Perhaps stress is a big part of why it hasn't been on point. I used to be pretty regular, every 26-28 days. Lately, it will come, stay for only four days, then go away for a month, then come again.
This last time, I had it around late April. It ran the full six days. I didn't have it at all in May. Then, it did a false start on Father's Day. Like I did a lot of bleeding and cramping. The next day, poof. Then around July 4th weekend, same episode...started and then stopped.
Well, on July 22nd, it came and acted like a normal period, so I expected it to go away by the 28th, at the lastest the 29th, but it's July 31st and my flow hasn't subsided. In a lot of ways, it has gotten heavier and the cramps more intense now than they were when it first started.
On top of that, I had a really bad spasm in my right calf, which made it very hard for me to get up this morning. Just an overall sucky day.
But I will still be starting on the challenges as scheduled. I was going to try and get a day head start but I was feeling so crappy; I was like, "Can't do it....my creative juices are too flooded with being focused on pain."
Thanks for those who were brave enough to follow me on the journey. Many props to those who have already participated in this challenge and those who are daring to take it on now.
For those who want more erotica, I have set aside a separate blog, just for my raunchier stuff. The link is below. I just ask that you be patient while I’m decorating.
I've been feeling so inspired by the Love & Truth Challenge and the Erotic Truth Challenge, I felt moved to come up with one of my own (or a variation of it if this challenge is already out there) and will be starting it in August.
30 Days of Musical Truth Challenge:
In addition to Love, Truth, and Eroticism, Music is another one of those things that is universal. Every where a person goes, you are guaranteed to hear some type of music. What is music to some may be noise to someone else. Songs can also relate to different points in a person's life.
This challenge seeks to draw out the connect between music and your experience.
Not stamping a month on it; I only ask for thirty days. Yes, you can choose more than one song if you cannot settle on just the one and describe why that particular song/songs.
Day 1. Which song would serve as your introduction? (to the world, blog reader, friends, this challenge)
Day 2. Which song best describes your relationship with your immediate family (mother, father, siblings)?
Day 3. Which song best describes your bond with your kids, significant other, or if you don’t have either one of those, your closest/best friend?
Day 4. You’re on a date where the only highlight was the place he selected.
Day 5. You’re out on a date you sense the final destination will be horizontal or on top. (winks)
Day 6. Which song would represent the best sexual experience ever? If you haven’t had it yet, one from your fantasies?
Day 7. Which song would represent your worst sexual encounter? If you haven’t had one yet, which song would play to represent if you had one?
Day 8. It’s extremely hot or cold.
Day 9. Battling traffic to and from wherever you are headed.
Day 10. Getting ready to go to work or looking for work.
Day 11. You’re doing your workout routine or trying to get motivated to exercise.
Day 12. At work, you’re dealing with a customer , co-worker, or boss who pisses you off. What song goes through your mind? (any stage of this engagement will do)
Day 13. Your boss tells you that "your services are no longer needed."
Day 14. You just experienced a death in the family.
Day 15. You’re trying to decide which magazine to buy at the check lanes but you are clearly in line. You are so busy checking out the titles that you don’t notice until it’s too late that someone cut in front of you .
Day 16. The landlord wants his rent money; it’s day twenty and your money is going to be delayed for another ten days.
Day 17. Someone has borrowed money from you and has been ducking and dodging you for weeks in regards to payback.
Day 18. You are having a very off day and just don’t want to be bothered.
Day 19. Your child does something to violate your trust; what soundtrack would mark his/her Doomsday?
Day 20. Someone is talking shit about you on the Internet (face book, my space, twitter, etc.)
Day 21. Your worst breakup ever~what wound be the main song on the soundtrack?
Day 22. The very people you thought would hold you down at your worst have abandoned you.
Day 23. You were in a deep state of anxiety, fear, and depression but you are slowly but surely coming out of it. What song marks your revival?
Day 24. You are on a dream vacation.
Day 25. You are about to indulge in your favorite food or drink to wind down.
Day 26. You’re feeling your sexy; name that tune.
Day 27. You’re getting cabin fever from being in the house and just want to get out for the night. What’s your joint?
Day 28. Someone who hurt you in the past comes back for a second chance. Depending on your response, what’s the song?
Day 29. Dedicational song to the person/people who always had your back?
30. Compose your own song. Describe the type of beat…or what song it would be similar to. What would be the lyrics (of if its’ going to be an instrumental explain why). What would be the title? Also share what, if anything, you learned through this challenge.
I do invite you to come along for the read, especially if you wish to take part in it.
As many of you know, I will be finishing up with the Erotic Truths challenge tomorrow.
I was reading Ephiphanies and Musings and came across this other challenge that seems intriguing, so that is what I will be taking on next once this one is done.
I will be posting the details of that as well as a new challenge that I have come up with myself...(or at least my variation if someone has already done one similar.)
I invite you to join me, either as a reader and definitely as a participant.
This was a tough one to come up with simply because 1. I don’t like talking about myself (you probably can't tell by this blog though) and 2. I’m so used to hearing about what other folks find sexy on me
I always perceived myself as that “girl next door” type. I’m usually the chic that my male friends ask advice when they are having trouble with their relationships, and by the time I am noticed by them (if they were interested in me in a romantic way), it is either too late or I just never saw him in that way.
In either case, I have compiled my list of what makes me sexy.
A. My overall look
What I mean by my overall look is that many people, including those I attended school with, say I don’t look my age. At first, I wasn’t sure where people got that assessment until I encountered other people who were in my age group and took a good look.
I’m not sure where to place it on.
I could say genetics. My grandma is going to be 90 this year but doesn’t look it. My grandfather was 92 when he passed away in May, and although the cancer had taken away a lot of his weight, for the most part, he didn’t look his age either.
Someone once told me, “The type of life you have lived is mirrored in your face and eyes. If you have had a tough life, it shows.”
Well, all I’m going to say is that isn’t true for me. I’ve gone through a lot of tough things; some may not be as rough as others. Some look at my face and think I’ve gone through nothing, but I definitely know better.
The pic above is a comparison…each pic has a number, which indicates the year the picture was taken. There are some who even say that I look younger in the right picture than the left picture, although I am not sure how I can look older at 20 than I do at 33.
I’m not sure how long this attribute will hold true but I will celebrate it while I have it (smiles).
My Favorite Eyes Pic.
What Could I Be Thinkin Of?
Side pose...am I mad or nonchalant?
B. My eyes
I do think my eyes are my best feature. They stand out; not too slanty. Not squinty but not so big they just pop out. They say a myriad of things even if I say not a word. I have different types of poses as well…and in almost all of them, the eyes definitely have it.
B&W--Goth like pic; loving my lips
like the lips attention in this one too
C. My lips
They just seem perfect for my face. Not very thin. Not overly pouty. Just very nice to look at.
D. The calves
Well I took one random picture of my legs; I was like, “Hey, not bad!” I have admiration for my calves, even though it’s very hard to find boots that will successfully go over them. Some swear up and down I used to be an athlete; I wish; if I had been, I would be in much better shape and be more disciplined in the art of exercising.
E. My breasts
The blessing and the curse.
I started developing at age 9. I don’t remember ever wearing a training bra. I don’t think I ever was a B cup, even though for the longest time, I had been squeezing myself in the wrong size. In more cases than not, women are wearing the wrong bra size; I understand why.
It’s more appealing to say you’re a "36DD" than a "38F"; somehow DD just rolls off the tongue better.
Plus, the higher in size the bra, the tougher it is to get one that is sexy and affordable.
Back when I was a D (when I was in junior high/high school), bras had not gotten sexy in that size yet. That was a privilege reserved for C and under. Now that industries are catching up and making sexy bras for the DD and under, my breasts have grown to the point where I still cannot enjoy that luxury.
When you have to special order your bras, it’s aggravating because they are not cheap--you can spend up to $100 on just one bra; also there is no guarantee the bra will last for long, even when you wash it by hand and follow the instructions.
supposedly with Magic Lift...lol
Wires can dig. I’ve had my wires poke through the fabric and pierce my skin, even though it was the right size.
The ones that supposedly give lift without the wire wear out eventually as well. The lift isn’t quite the same (understatement); the variety of colors is slim--black, white, beige, brown…with little hints of pink, yellow. And sports bras, even tougher to find.
Plus, the whole aspect of back pain, the fit in the clothes.
If I could and had the money, I would definitely consider a breast reduction. If I could get them down to a DD, I would be happy with just that. I know what they look like as a DD; they still would look pretty decent on me. It would help with almost all of the back pain; the way the clothes fit; I’d probably go down two sizes if the titans would become regular buildings.
But until then, whether I wear a V neck or an oversized T shirt, I still get looks because of the chesties.
F. Articulation
I feel like being articulate, in speaking and in writing, is a way I convert being sexy. I am a good listener. I communicate in a way that shows I’m intelligent; I’m in tune with my thoughts and what the other person is thinking. The way I write definitely draws people into getting to know more, whether I’m writing about erotica, my life, or something that happened while living my life.
Even men who just want to get their freak on do not want to get it on with someone who’s personality is a lump of coal. They have to have something…like the boldness after a few drinks to come up to him and say, “Wanna fuck?” Or to dress provocatively to make up for if she doesn’t have stuff to say. Well, that’s them; that’s not me.
I’m an overall total package.
Mysterious Open Minded Nice (with hints of Naughty) Imaginative (and Intelligent) Curious (with dabs of Caution if need be) Attentive (with generous amounts of Allure & Artistry)
28. If you could get your hands on some dick/pussy right now, how would you want it?
Depends on what mood I’m in. If I’ve been marinating for a bit, letting the anticipation pile up, I may throw the hours and hours our the window for a quickie. Push him up against the wall, pull down his pants and pleasure his Mandingo Warrior. Then save him the trouble of duck waddling because I’d push him on the bed and mount him, ride him until he was close to orgasm, then stop and let him have his way with me.
However, if I just want it slow, long, and drawn out. Candlelight, incense burning, lots of tender kisses, caresses, touches. His body would be the journey; I’d be the happy explorer. I would foreplay him so much, his dick would quiver and be coated with precum, begging to enter. And I still wouldn’t allow it. I would even rub the hood of my clit against the pulsating vein in his shaft and would resist the tug---the one that insists he must be inside me.
I’d walk away for a moment, go to take a shower. Hum to myself, close my eyes. Then I would feel him behind me, groping my breasts, squeezing the nipples between his thumb and index finger. Then, he would get down on his knees and lick my crack while one of his hands moved to rub on my pussy. The other one would still be playing with one of my nipples. Then I would turn around and he would feast on my pussy. It would be payback for the way I tortured him. But unlike me, he would not have me wait, or beg as long…he would pin me against the wall and lift me, grind slower and then pick up the pace while hoisting me higher and higher. His focus would be on how many times he could take me to the point of explosion, have me beg to stop, only to keep going.
27. Your man/woman likes to have sex with the same sex. Are you willing to invite this into your bedroom? Why?
My views on this have to come from an objective place because of how I am….
It all comes down to two things: honesty and communication.
I feel like a person’s sexuality should be discussed from the gate. It is too dangerous to go around assuming.
Some people say you can tell a person’s sexual preference, particularly a man’s, by how he looks and how he talks. That is not necessarily the case. Same goes for a female.
In some cases, it is the man that goes out of his way to project masculinity that lives an alternate lifestyle. Same as it goes for the female.
But there is also a bigger stigma associated with men of the lifestyle than females.
With females, it’s seen as sexy, an invitation to some guys to watch, join in, or both. With guys, however, the reaction can be quite different, even from females who are into the lifestyle.
I know it’s a double standard, just exposing you to the reality.
If the guy was honest about this, then I have the decision to make whether I can roll with it or not, first off. (Of course, if he wasn't, there would be a footprint on his ass...there wouldn't even be this blog)
Let’s assume for this question that I am rolling with it...
It also depends on the stage he is in. He could be “coming of age”--just now coming to terms with his sexuality. There are guys who are into the same sex but have never acted upon it; it doesn’t change the attraction.
He could be very active; he has to be honest about the level of activity. Does he do it every once in a while? Does he do it often? Has it been his primary lifestyle and he’s trying to go back to females?
All of these have to be taken into consideration because if same sex is his primary, then I would have to definitely cut my losses, for I feel like I wouldn’t have much to bring to the table. Both of us would be deprived of satisfaction.
Also, the origin of why. If he just needs his anus stimulated and penetrated…if he just needs that sensation from time to time, if I’m willing to be open enough to provide that, he would not need to go outside the relationship. He would not need to bring another person in this, and I would prefer another person not be brought into it.
Even if communication was on point, there are too many X factors in the whole situation, not just with the guy and myself but with the new person being brought into it. Is the guy closeted or out? What if his feelings started getting deeper? There are too many unknowns for that set up to come out as mostly positive.
I saw a very interesting case on Divorce Court today. The names of the two litigants were Copeland and Ladonna. Ladonna is dark skinned; Copeland is quite fair skinned. She wanted $700 for clothes that he bleached because he didn't want her to go out.
You could tell there were major trust issues between them; her lying about going to one state when she went to another; the female he messing with texting the phone...they definitely should have never gotten together.
But the thing that got me was when Ladonna said that Copeland was starting a "race war" between her two kids~~that one had his complexion; the other had her complexion. That he feels like "lighter" is better. I put up snippets of it...cause I did a bootleg recording...mainly because I could not believe not only what she said but his reaction to the whole thing.
His response to all this, along with the fact that he was cheesing the whole time as if nothing was wrong with what he was saying, leads me to wonder this:
Are people still color struck?
I'm not sure what it's called everywhere else, but where I grew up, it was called Color Struck.
Is lighter automatically appealing?
Like the picture I put on my blog.
Out of all the women shown there, which one is the more appealing to you? Is it the darker female with strong African features? Or are you going "Halle Berry...Halle Berry!"
I'm not taking away from any of the women; all of them are beautiful in their own way, but which one immediately shouts, "Beauty" or "I want to date her"?
For those who picked the lighter side, why did you? Is it because you truly prefer lighter women or because you were conditioned that lighter is more visually appealing? Are you trying to whiten the bloodline, thinking the lighter the skin tone, the better chances the child will have at success?
I know some of you may think this type of thing isn't still going on now.
But it is.
And it is not just the men who do it; females do it as well. Some females check out a guy's features, even down to his hair...cause she want her son or daughter to have some good hair.
I'm not hating on folks who have preferences, just make sure that the preference is not based on programming and that you're not passing that programming on to your children. Although physical slavery ended, we as a people may at times perpetuate the mental slavery--the house negro/field negro complex. It is too simple to call this preference when it really isn't.And if one gets too caught up on the outside, you may miss out on a wonderful person on the inside.
This is the part where I must say, “This is not my favorite subject to talk about.” I’ve been dreading getting to this one, actually wondering if I should skip it. I guess it will defeat the purpose of “Erotic Truth” if I don’t speak on it.
Excuse me a moment.
Okay, I’m back.
Many years ago, I was in a relationship. Sexual heaven and hell resided in him.
The Heaven: He was the man who introduced me to how heavenly oral sex could be. He was the first man I was involved with I ever told about my sexual fluidity philosophy. He was the first man to embrace it and encourage its’ pursuit. He made me feel comfortable with being a sexual being; I was very timid in the past.
But things changed. He changed. He changed for the worst. A monster took his place; I no longer recognized him.
The Hell: He belittled me almost all the time. He became possessive. I couldn’t have friends--male or female. He stopped being patient for sex. He took when I wouldn’t give and not just in the traditional hole.
You get where I’m going with this?
So I am not gung-ho about the idea of anal sex.
I do like that area being stimulated as far as the licking and rubbing of the outside of it. With the finger, I find myself freezing up slightly but if I am relaxed enough, the finger is able to slide in. Although I know my vaginal area gets wetter when my anus receives stimulation, my mind still flashes back, and I’m hit with panic.
Perhaps it’s not having the control that’s the main part. I feel like I’m helpless, even when I know I can just tell the person to go slower or stop.
But I didn’t have that option then; my stop wasn’t heard; the person kept going anyway, no matter how much it hurt.
I know the person in my life now wouldn’t hurt me, but the memories of the past still haunt me. Not as bad as they used to, but they still do.
Maybe it would have helped if I had been able to really talk to someone about the situation but I had no one back then. He had chased away almost all my friends; I carried around the pain and suffering.
The only way I could deal was to push it in a corner of my mind and hope it wouldn’t resurface. The things you don’t deal with eventually return, so now I’m battling this with someone it shouldn’t be an issue with because he isn’t the one who did the crime.
So I guess I am anal about it, until I have fully healed; that healing isn’t entirely on my timetable.
A life gone too soon. All of the signs were there. Everyone knew she was acting out. Were people asleep? Thought it was just all part of the rock and roll image. Heck, isn't that what rockers do?
Although i am sad that a life is lost, I do have a problem with death that could have been prevented. Life that could have been salvaged.
You mean, no one in her support system was not ballsy enough to stand up and insist she get cleaned up? Or were so many people mainly concerned about her money and not concerned enough about her?
That is the way it goes.
When you are famous, you have to be particularly careful. Careful of your circle--who is going to be down for you at your best and at your worst. And when you are at your worst, will those people turn away the money, sit you aside and do what's best for you, even if you give them more money to just butt out?
Money does not excuse stupidly, just increases the chances of it constantly happening. If you can afford to take the risk, one will keep investing.
But this is not as much about her...as it is about this query:
Why does a celebrity have to put a face on something for it to be a problem?"
There are plenty of regular people out there every day struggling with addiction--to alcohol, to illegal drugs, to prescription drugs.
When a normal person is constantly hitting the bottle, the person is an alcoholic...a sad case. Sometimes, the family sits around and jokes about it. "He is just being him--the life of the party", but rarely does anyone step up to try and intervene to take action.
When a celebrity hits the bottle--throwing wild parties, buying drinks for everyone...it is the same situation but the person gets a buy because she's rich. She's treating everyone else; her entourage is getting paid big bucks. If the money ain't broke, don't fix it.
A regular person gets strung out on heroin, crack, cocaine, meth, etc....she may have lost everything she had and is out on the street. So many judgment calls; most don't stop to ask how she got there nor go the extra mile to guide this person to the help she needs.
For many with any type of addiction, it's better to find a release to numb the pain than to deal.
But if she had something or someone strong to fight for her...to let her know that her life is worth living, it could be the extra motivation she needs to get out of her circumstance.
I'm not saying it always pans out that way, but more often than not, no one is willing to take the risk. She's walked past, not given a second thought.
If a celebrity has a drug problem, it makes news, sometimes even joked about. Some of the people in the circle are the very ones that keep her supplied. The more messed up she is, the more those people are ensured they are going to get paid because she's more valuable to them fucked up...tweaked out of her mind. When folks try to help her, too much negativety is still around; it's like a force field.
With prescription drugs, it can be just as risky. Plus it doesn't help if there are doctors willing to do the wrong thing if the price is right. The Internet also make prescription drugs a little bit too accessible. And the family or friends who have medication and giving it out to the addicted person is doing nothing but enabling. You're only prolonging the process of getting well.
As people, we should not have to have a famous poster child to realize how damaging drug and alcohol abuse can be.
Nor should we wait until the problem is in our own backyard to address it.
It's too easy to be in denial, so easy to say, "Not my family, not my culture!"
Particularly with my culture.
Just be aware; the problems of the world are bigger than you.
Bigger than me.
We are bound by our condition...don't get so engrossed in your own little bubble. Never think these things cannot impact you on a closer level.
Yes, we should mourn, but we also need to take into account how many things or instances of this level could have been prevented but because of denial, turning a blind eye, the concern comes far too late.
One
PS: Also, check out this article. Amy, Kurt, and Jimi were not the only ones who met their unfortunate deaths at the age of 27.
25. What motivates you to hit your orgasmic peak during a masturbation session?
Let’s create a Love Scene….
Self-Love Scene, that is.
Act One: The sky becomes dark. The thunder comes, followed by the steady pouring of rain. I think about things that could be done behind closed doors. Or even outside. No one is out except him and me. He steadies me on the hood of the car, grasping my hips as he kneels before me. My pussy juice is intermingled with the saltiness of the rain. I don’t even complete the fantasy in my mind as I reach my finale in orgasmic sensations.
Act Two: Surfing the Internet, able to find a good woman on woman scene. Both females with voluptuous frames--one with large natural knockers. They really seem into each other; the kisses appear non-rehearsed. The camera is expert and zoom in just right--the perfect angle to see the wetness of the clitoris and how insanely swollen the nipples are. The one being pleasured and I explode at the same time.
Act Three: No media, no vivid imagination. Just me laying in my bed. Closing my eyes, under dim or no light. Being in touch with my own body, paying attention to the way I touch my breasts and fondle my nipples. Massaging around the labia, at times, stopping to penetrate…starting off slowly. Then, depending on the mood I’m in, I just use wet fingertips, Ghost (white Rocket) or Skyy (blue Rocket), or an interesting combination of both to get me to my peak…also depending on how fast I want to get there.
Wow, I look at how far my little spot has come since a few years ago.
Yahoo 360 was my origins. I think I frequented Yahoo so much primarily for that reason; then everything changed. Although I admit some changes are good, other times, you just want something to stay the same.
Then I had to find a new spot to go to....lot of folks suggested Multiply. I went there, but it just really didn't quite feel the same to me. I transfer my stuff from 360 but nothing really compelled me to just do blogs there. No disrespect, but I just wasn't feeling it.
After that, I checked out Blogger...although I did like it, I do admit I was a bit lackadaisical. Not entirely my fault; I got too caught up in life and forgot the origins of why I started writing in the first place. Didn't really give a lot of thought to design; just picked something generic and went with it.
But now that I'm starting to find my stride again, I am looking at my blog page.
It's like that jacket that was fashionable. It still fits you but now it doesn't go along with anything in your closet.
So with all that said, it's time to upgrade.
Who knows how long this new look will be. Heck, it may vary with the frequency of writing (or at times, the lack of it), topics, or just with my mood.
23. Dom/Sub… sexy or just an excuse for men or women to abuse?
I think it is definitely sexy, particularly if one of the roles is out of one’s element.
Take me, for example. I do admit I like having the control and being in it. Every once in a while, if I’m in the mood or part of role play, I will do the part of the submissive.
The sexiness, however, is not just in the roles themselves but total communication and respect for boundaries.
If there is no trust and communication, it’s not longer sexy; it’s suspect.
Swinging or partner swapping (sometimes referred to as the swinging lifestyle or simply the lifestyle) is a non-monogamous[1] behavior, in which both partners in a committed relationship agree, as a couple, for both partners to engage in sexual activities with other couples as a recreational or social activity.[2] Swinging can take place in a number of contexts, ranging from a spontaneous sexual activity at an informal social gathering of friends to a swingers' club and can involve internet-based introduction services.
The phenomenon of swinging (or at least its wider discussion and practice) is regarded by some as arising from the upsurge in sexual activity during the sexual revolution of the 1960s, made possible by the invention of the contraceptive pill and the prevalence of safer sex practices during the same period.
The term wife swapping is now criticized as being androcentric and not accurately describing the full range of sexual activities in which couples may take part, but the term continues in use, and reflects the origins of the concept whereby husbands were viewed as initiating an informal partner swap.
My Thoughts:
Although the act of swinging satisfies my voyeuristic tendencies, I don’t see myself being a participant. Mainly because I don’t want another guys’ hardware inside me besides the guy I’m with. It can get very complicated and has the potential to get messy, even if honesty and communication is on point. The environment, although controlled, cannot prepare for human emotions, which cannot always be controlled.
I almost started off with my Erotic Truths entry, but what's popping off right now seems ten times more prevalent. It occurred between 1am and 3am.
I could put down the whole scenario and put out the whole "what should I do bit". But this isn't what this is all about. However, I will reference Crossroads because it is the prequel to what took place.
So skim over that for a second.
All right, the female referenced I already sensed had deeper feelings. Funny how females can pick up on that...instantly. You can tell by how the female looks at the guy, how she looks at you. Just the energy, the aura is entirely different from a female who just wants to be friends with a guy.
I picked up on that with her even before the two of them interacted face to face.
Like getting all upset if one doesn't get a hold of him right away. That's how a girlfriend behaves if she can't get a hold of her man or someone who is obsessed with a guy. Not a female/male friend interaction.
Especially if she knows he is with someone.
She would just be like, "He's spending time with his girl; I will catch up with him when I can."
Or wanting to call him all times of the day and night. I wasn't minding of the nights when he was working, but if it's 1,2,3 in the morning and I'm still hearing the gong of his phone going off (text messaging), what do you have to talk with your friend with so urgently that it can't wait until later on? That is something that two people who give the ambiance of being in a relationship do...not just two friends chewing the fat and talking about meaningless subjects.
So the signs are obvious to me.
He has other female friends. Some of them I have met. A couple of them I am friends with and they talk to me almost as much or more than they talk to him. So this is not a case of someone being insecure, petty, or jealous.
But I feel like if someone is showing signs, I should make it a point to bring it to his attention and suggest to him that he not associate with this particular female.
I came to him Grown Woman style about the situation; he assured me he would handle it; however, it wasn't handled in the thoroughness that I desired.
For between 1am and 3am, while playing a card game on his Android (my phone tends to act stupid when it has a lot of games on it so I don't have games on it anymore), his phone starts glitching; while I'm trying to get back to the game, his text message screen pops up and it is interaction between him and this female.
Any other time, I would have just closed out of it. I've always tried to be respectful of privacy. I was never one to go through people's stuff. But it was the context of the conversation which gave me pause.
She gave a blown out confessional of the thing I already sensed. She was just playing the whole friend role because she wanted a relationship with him; she's waiting on him.
I'm not going to address the whole what happened with the confrontation with him. I want to focus on the interaction with her.
I'm not one of these new school chics. These new school divas act like they want to be friends with your man; they smile in your face; they act like they are happy with the two of you being together but do a whole different interaction when you are not looking.
These chics are cowards; they are chickens.
If you're going to act Grown, be Grown.
This is what I mean.
First off, I'm not going to fake like I want to just be your man's friend when I want more. It's different if he and I were friends before you came along. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about--I am not that chic that is going to pine away, waiting for your man to notice and come to me. If it was going to go down like that, you wouldn't even be in the picture. Sorry, not my style.
Secondly, I'm not going to front like I am cool with you. I'm not going to grandstand and say that "it's a pleasure to meet you". The only pleasure would be knowing who the competition is, but that is about it. There's no pleasure in it, especially if you are the female I have to take down to get what I want. I'm not down for the pretense. That's not my style, either.
In my quest for information, I dialed her number; of course she picked it up because it was dialed from his phone. She sounded half asleep but perked right back up when she realized the voice was a female one. I told her in a very assertive tone that there was "something very suspicious in her interaction with him; now is the time to come clean about everything."
I could have came at her screaming, ranting, raving....but in that he's the main culprit; he should have done his Grown Man thing and took care of business instead of acting like a Bleach Blonde, thinking the shit would just go away if he avoided it or ignored it.
But I did want to come to her, Woman to Woman, to let her know the way she is going about everything...definitely not copacetic.
Let's be technical; if the tables were turned and he was with her, would it be cool for me to hit up his phone all times of the day or night?
Would it be cool for his female friend to pitch an attitude when he is spending time with his girl?
Would it be all right for the two of us to meet and then for me to send your man a text message declaring my undying love and devotion to him, knowing he is all boo'd up?
But her response to me is something a Girl would say: "Um...I think that's personal."
That's personal?
So, you came up acting friendly in my face, doing things that show your intentions are not pure, verifying my suspicions of you, but you act like I have no right to raise my eyebrow on your interactions?
Do you know the place he resides in is my place? Not his, not our, but mine.
Do you know the phone he uses is my extra phone that is on my shared line?
I am interwoven in the tapestry of everything that is going on with him, so I do think I have a right to know about interactions going on via my phone line under my roof.
I gave her a chance to be a Grown Woman--whether foul or not, I would have respected it if she would have just put the cards on the table when I asked her. Not this whole act like you don't know what the hell I'm talking about and getting defensive.
If I am wrong, she should have called me on it. We should have been able to come to the table and talk like two civilized human beings. Could I have done a Jill Scott, taken off the rings, and sported the Vaseline?
For sure.
Could I have taken it a step further and done a Jazmine Sullivan?
I retained the information so I could have.
And this isn't about him as much as it is about my interaction with her. What she didn't say told the whole story and what respect I could have mustered for her as a woman...what respect I could have tried to uphold for her expressing her feelings for a guy, knowing his situation...is null and void now.
Because she didn't respect me and the role I hold.
Just dropping in for a brief moment to share some exciting news.
Not sure if many of you know this, but I decided to set up a Fan Page on Facebook. Since I know so many people on Facebook, it seemed to make sense to use Facebook as a portal to connect people to my writing location here on Blogger.
However, in order for it to have its' own unique identity, the Fan Page had to have at least 25 people to like it, and I reached my magical number earlier today. That way it is easier for people to find me when searching for me and that means a lot to me.
