Individuality: Keep It Lit (Letter to My Future)

Individuality is Your Truth, Seek It!--Self-Quote

It’s so hard to be an Individual in a World which seems to advocate Being Like Everyone Else. 

When I came into the world, I first got the messages to “just be myself.”  That seemed to be fine and dandy, as long as I was around my grandparents. 

Once I was started going to school, I began to get other messages.  Being myself wasn’t cool.  Being different was troublesome because I got bullied on a regular basis. 

All the Individuality started to get shredded away as I went through the pangs of “trying to fit in”—whether it was letting someone copy off my paper or helping doing someone’s homework assignment.  In the early going, I felt I had to buy some of my friendships.

What I went through in those early stages made me more miserable, causing me to go into myself and isolate.  

Then later, I got perceived as a “standoffish and stuck-up” because I didn’t want to go through the pangs of socializing.  I preferred being misunderstood than going through the humiliation of maintaining those “early bought friendships.”  The price was just too high.

I know it is unrealistic for there not to be a time when someone will be exposed to peer pressure.  As long as there are people around, there will be some type of pressure.

Yes, in adulthood, there is pressure.  Pressure to have the look of success.  Pressure to be “in” as well as “in style”, even though some of the latest trends seem absolutely horrid and atrocious.

I don’t have children, but I want to have at least one.  Even though the odds seem stacked against me (because of my age), I want to at least try.  If I am to have one (if it’s a girl, Kyra would be her name; if it’s a son, Michael), this is a letter I would write to her regarding this pressure:

Dear Kyra,

First of all, you are such a blessing.  Many will think you are a long time coming, but I think you are right on time.  I am very thankful and glad you are here, and even those words can't fully describe the immense joy I feel.

I will tell you all the time you are beautiful, intelligent, and special.  However, you will get out in the world and be exposed to all types of things.  Others may not have the same views as I.  There are some who think you have to change who you are in order to be popular, in order for people to love you.  The people who try to change your core are poisonous to it.  If they truly love you, they will take you for who you are.  If you ever change, let it be by Your Hand and not by anyone else’s.

The greatest gift you possess is your Individuality.  Hold on to It with Strength and Tenacity.  Not just in your younger years, but on into your adulthood.  The threat of your Sole (and Soul) Extinction does not stop after middle school, high school, and college.  This test is constant.  With each new person you meet (or even ones you have had around for a while), the test may present itself.  You may find yourself changing, evolving, and if you are positively evolving, you may find yourself losing people close to you.  Don’t fret; it is part of the process.  They are just leaving room for those who are in cohesion with your blossoming.

Never stop educating yourself.  I don’t just mean with schooling.  Take it upon yourself to research; find out the truth for yourself.  Don’t just take one person’s word and assume he is the gospel.  Question everything.  You can gain knowledge not just from music and books; others around you have very rich experiences; take their triumphs and tragedies, and extract from them.

Don’t make the mistakes I made. 

Don’t become so hungry for people to like you that you will go along with things you know are wrong or which make you resentful. 

Don’t let others’ negative energy drain you.  Recognize you can’t be everything to everybody.  Don’t spend out your time and energy to the point where you feel depleted.

Don’t think or try to make a person change just to be with you; he will want that change for himself, if it is meant to be. 

Don’t force a person to be with you or stay with you if he is done, even if you may feel like he’s making a mistake.  The absence can serve as a blessing. 

But most of all:

LOVE you first.

Love YOU first.

Love you FIRST.

As I do, and always will,

Your Mama J