Farewell 2012...The Year In Review

Job:  Theme-Holding On While Striving For Better

Well, the start of the Year was a bit rocky.  My temporary assignment had ended at the end of 2011, which had me missing a little bit of income.  However, in early February, I was placed on a new assignment.  So far, it currently has no expiration date.  

Yes, I am still working at the other place where I started at July of last year.  For the first time since 2009, I have been employed the entire twelve months.  

Am I still aspiring for better?  Of course!  However, It is better to try and find something else while you still have employment than without. 

Family: Theme-Some Things Never Change, Even When Circumstances Demand They Do

It’s been a little over a year and a half since my grandfather passed away.  I try and focus on the happy times, the memories, things that he loves and cherishes.  

I’m not saying I don’t get teary eyed from time to time, but I know Grandpa would want me to keep on smiling and doing the best I can. 

One would think after Grandpa’s passing that other members of the family would just get some “Do Right.”  By other members, I mainly mean one member—my mom.  She has caused so much ruckus since her arrival back in Mississippi that many think it would be better if she would just go back out to California.  I can’t even sit and disagree.  

Since my mom has moved to Mississippi, cops constantly get called over to the property for one thing after another.  There were quite a few months where the cop calling involved one of my uncles.  He now has to use some of his disability check to pay legal fees.   

The stress is definitely hard for Grandma to deal with.  It’s like once Grandpa died, instead of my mom focusing on actually being there for Grandma, she behaves as if my Grandma is the enemy.  Grandma has tried so hard to forgive, but it still hurts that my mom didn't let Grandma know that Grandpa was taking a turn for the worse and didn't let her see him before he passed on.  It hurts that my mom would lie about taking care of the funeral arrangements when Grandma had to handle the majority of the burden on her own.  It hurts Grandma that my mom had cops come on the property to arrest my uncle and had him thrown in jail, then for her, my sister, and her then boyfriend at the time to lie and said he had a gun, although they couldn't get their story straight on what type of gun.  

My mom has done so much wrong to those in the family and others, but doesn't own up to it, nor apologizes, yet she wants me to come to her with open arms and not expect me to feel some type of way about how she treats the very woman who raised me.  

I just can’t. 

Health: Theme-Getting On The Good Foot

2011 towards the end was a bit scary for me, but they have definitely improved since then.  

My condition has now been classified as “controlled” and has been since May of this year.  

I started exercising at the gym back in late July/early August and have lost a little over 20 pounds so far (with no extra enhancement other than changing my eating thus far).  

I did have ongoing issues with my menstrual cycle being irregular, at one point, I would go weeks and weeks constantly bleeding, stop one week, and then bleed again.  It just decided to go back to normal in September, and no one can figure out what caused it to go wacky or even get back to normal.  I’m feeling highly optimistic and energy wise, I've felt better than I have in a long time.

Love: Theme—The True Test of Love’s Strength exists not in the Joys but in the Sorrows.

There were quite a few monkey wrenches which took place since the high which occurred towards the end of 2011.  

The Sweetie learned that his (step)dad slowly but surely was losing his fight with cancer.  He died July of this year.  People who are dealing with grief deal in different ways.  Some in anger.  Some turn inward.  So there were some very tense moments, which I could understand, but it was hard going through some of the throws of it.

Then, a situation popped up in the midst of it which really hurt me.  I do give him props for coming clean and telling me, but it was around that time a year ago, 5 months before the proposal, where another sticky situation had occurred. 

It caused me a bit of pause.  Okay, a lot of pause.  I’m like, “Just when I’m starting to really get past this first thing, then this other thing pops up.”  

I do admit to becoming a bit distant and a bit more detached during a time when I needed to be warm, understanding, and just there for him, but I couldn't help but think when would be an appropriate time to react to how I was feeling about the confession.

The other preparations started falling apart in terms of the participants, and then on top of that, the money I had saved back as a deposit on the place I had to use because he lost his job. 

Things just didn't look good.

And my feelings, even through the mishaps, didn't change. 

And his feelings, even when he saw and felt my wall trying to go back up, didn't change. 

The things going on before aren't going on now.  I see the refocus, determination, and passion.  It’s a welcome change from the complacency and disarray I was exposed to earlier.  Seeing and experiencing these things, the actions behind the words, really made me feel better.

For me, 2012 was Glowing With Potential. 

However, there is an underlying Hunger, and it makes one wonder will 2013 satisfy the ache.

Let The Venom Loose.