Introducing The Lucky Souls Contest

Greetings everyone!

I feel like humming, "It's been a long time coming."

Finally Reflections of Soul is ready to go!  Yippee!!!!

To celebrate its' launch, I've decided to hold a contest, starting June 1st entitled The Lucky Souls Contest.

Well, how does it work?

It’s actually very simple.  It depends on your ability to guess and relying on luck (as well as hope) that your guess is correct.

Scenario:  I have a number in mind between 1-100.  

Your mission is to guess the number (or as close to the number) as possible without going over.  The three people who guess the closest will receive autographed copies of Reflections of Soul.

When I give out prizes, I always like to add a little extra.  The extra one receives does depend on how close you come to the selected number.  See what is in store below.

Prizes—Top 3 Lucky Souls: Receive autographed copies of Reflections of Soul

The extras:

1^st Place:  A customized poem or prose (with you in mind).

2^nd Place: An autographed copy of a poem or prose to be featured in my next project, Eclectic.

3^rd Place: An autographed copy of the 2 CD set, Soulful Branches: Words and Sounds, one of the past projects I was featured on. 

Ways to submit your entry:

1.       If you are on Facebook, send me a Direct Message with your number selection.  Please indicate that you are entering the Lucky Souls contest.  If you don’t check your Facebook messages that often, please give me an e-mail address in your response to contact you in case you are selected as one of the winners.

***DO NOT put it as a response if this is placed up as a Facebook status.  Statuses can get loss in the shuffle, and I want to make sure that each person’s entry gets counted. **

2.       E-mail your response to nolabelsunleashed@hotmail.com.  Please put in the subject heading: Lucky Souls contest entry as well as your contact information. 

The contest will officially start on June 1^st at 12:00 AM EST and conclude on June 30^th at 11:59 PM EST.  

Winners will be announced the following week and contacted directly.  

If you are selected as a winner, you must be prepared to give a physical address where you can receive your prizes.  Failure to do so will resort in forfeiture of the prize.

In addition, anyone who personally contributed to the creation of Reflections of Soul, via editing or illustrating, is not eligible to participate in the contest.

All right wonderful Souls!  Let the games begin.  Happy guessing and best of luck!

Peace!

The Case of the Disappearing Sister (and Who I Thought Was a Potential Friend)

When I first got to know the Sweetie, he revealed to me that he had about eight adopted sisters: in the sense that some of the other families got so close to his family they started referring to each other as family, even though by blood they weren't related.  One of the sisters I got to know, and we even were hanging out--not just the three of us but just her and me.  We seemed pretty cool with each other for the first few years, and I really wanted to believe that I had finally found someone local to hang out with.

After the Sweetie proposed to me, she was very excited about the whole thing, even volunteered to be the wedding coordinator and the maid of honor.  There were certain things I already had planned in my mind as to how the ceremony was going to go, and at first, I wasn't even going to go through the process of having a wedding coordinator.  However, I was trying to learn not to overwhelm myself, since at the time I was still working the two jobs and didn't know how I would have time to do all of this planning and looking.

I took her up on her offer, since she was so ecstatic about it, and she was the adopted sister the Sweetie was the closest to.  We had the wedding party almost finalized and even saw the venue where we wanted the wedding to be held--it was all about getting the money saved back in order to do so.

Then, tragedy struck when the Sweetie's step dad died of cancer, and that's when a lot of things started to change.  I reached out to her, letting her know about what happened.  I told her it would mean a lot if she could be there for Mike by coming out with me to New York.  She apologized and told me she wouldn't be able to go; her job wouldn't let her off.

I was like, "That's fine, but at least call to check up on him."

Her contact with him after that was practically little to none.

Then, when things started falling apart in regards to the wedding party, she started not being as available in regards to the planning, even after I would call and try to reach out to her.  Finally, in one correspondence, I told her not to worry about doing any more of the planning, since I could get consistent communication from her like I used to.

A few months later, my birthday arrives.  She said that after Sweetie and I got back from Atlantic City that she and I would have a spa day.  She was very apologetic about being distant and that she was going through some things.  However, when I hit her up about the spa day, she said she had to work--like she forgot she was telling me she was going to request that day off.

By this time, I'm really confused, and after my birthday, she just stop contacting me.  I even tried to reach out to her on Facebook when I couldn't reach her on her phone.  I didn't get any word from her.  Since the Sweetie was getting a bit worried about her, I decided to do some detective work to try to figure out what exactly was going on with her.

One day after I got off the 2nd gig, instead of doing my normal trip to the gym, I went to the place where she was working at and asked her quite a few questions.  She told me she was going through a lot of things at home and things were all messed up, but she promised to reach out to both Sweetie and me the next time she had a day off (which was the Monday following the confrontation).

Well, that was over eight months ago.

The Sweetie and she usually celebrate their birthdays together.  It had always been their tradition.  They would go, eat and have drinks when in the vicinity.  This is the first year since they have both been in the same state that they haven't.  The birthday celebrating together makes since, considering her birthday is on May 30th (today) and his is on May 31st.

Although he hasn't admitted it, I know he may be feeling some type of way about her disappearance.  He isn't the only one.  I, too, am left with more questions than answers.  He is at that point where he can say, "It is what it is."

I'm not at that junction yet.

I just would like to know why the two people she claimed to love and would never disappear on are seeing air instead of her.  If we did something to her, all she had to do was say something, and we all could have talked about it.  We discovered that she took us off her FB page as well.

It pangs me that during the freshness of the Sweetie's loss, she was practically nowhere to be found, and that is when he really needed her the most.  When she was in crisis, he never did her that way.  He dropped everything to try and look out for her.

So disappearing adopted sister, wherever you are, Happy Birthday.  The Sweetie and I will be waiting to see if there will ever be a reappearance.  However, there isn't a guarantee of a happy reunion.

Peace.

Decline of Decency

I hope the vandal thinks it's worth it.

“It is too much to expect decency from human beings…”

I may be paraphrasing a bit, but it’s from a Facebook status I put up pretty early in the day regarding something I experienced recently. 

I was originally going to post about achieving another one of my 2013 Continuous Goals.  Yes, I still plan on doing that, but I want to get this negative stench out first.

After achieving one of the continuous, I came back from that high to discover that my personal property had been violated.

Usually, if I have to catch the train to go somewhere, I would get the money together to take the bus to the train station and then catch the train.  

However, since I was getting treated to dinner and didn't know quite how long dinner was going to be, I opted to drive my car to the train station parking lot.  I figured the $11 in parking would be a good investment to save in the aggravation of paying a taxi to take me back or to wait for up to an hour for the next bus to arrive at the station to take me to my house.

Not in this scenario.

I know the protocol about hiding one’s valuable things, especially in areas that are a bit sketchier than others.  I took the precaution of placing my GPS underneath the seat, prior to my getting out, locking the door, and taking my train.  Maybe the cord it was attached to didn't get the same amount of tucking—so who knows whether the vandal saw the GPS cord, saw a little bit of the GPS sticking out, or a combination of both.

In any case, I come back to find the passenger side of my car window busted out and my GPS missing.  Nothing else missing, just the GPS.  I did report the incident to the cops—maybe they will be able to apprehend the culprit and see some activity going on with the cameras.

However, I’m not going to hold my breath.  For one, the rain.  For two, the amount of shrubbery surrounding the parking lot.  For three, the fog.  All those factors could impact the camera visibility, so they may not be able to even catch the guy who did it.

Needless to say, I’m f**king pissed heated, and it’s not that I’m really heated about the GPS.  The GPS I had since 2008.  It was one of the older ones that don’t have the free updated maps for a lifetime feature.  Plus, the battery was messing up a lot on it anyway, and it was due for a replacement.

It’s the fact that I can’t have my car parked in a paid parking spot without coming back to someone messing with it.  It’s the fact that I never had to deal with any type of vandalism in any other place I have lived at, yet once I moved to my current location, I had to be exposed to this.

Yet, some people get aggravated when I speak of how I’m adjusted to living.  

I’m used to living in a peaceful space.  I’m used to living in a safe space.  My origins consisted of neighbors who watched each others’ backs, who checked on each other, and who reported suspicious activity and even stopped it—for they realized that if that vandal violated one person, then who’s to say he wouldn't violate or disrespect someone else’s things?  We had each others’ backs.

It wasn’t this whole attitude of, “Whatever.  Better you than me.”   Of course that changes when the tragedy becomes personal.  I just feel like it shouldn't have to be in your face and in your own back yard for you to feel impacted. 

I feel it in my own soul that one of my own violated me.

It hurts more when the violation comes from your own people---to try to encourage an ocean of unity where there are so many waves of “can’t act right.”  Could have been strung out on drugs and needed money to get a fix.  Could have been just a young kid trying to make a fast buck.  Whatever the case, I sense it was one of my own, yet those same ones want to act outraged when I speak on how my living experiences have been ten times more positive when I lived back in the Sip (rural), when I lived in Georgia (rural/suburbia), and when I lived in my old spot back in the East Windsor (suburbia) area. 

Yet, when I move to a city which is filled with my people, I have to deal with this and this marks the pinnacle of situations I have had to deal with since living in Trenton.  It’s unfortunate because from what older people have told me, Trenton used to be such a beautiful place to be.  Now, it’s a place that everyone is trying to get away.  Even the somewhat good spots aren't good anymore.

I’m at that place, too.  Now, more than ever.

My being thankful that nothing else was stolen: that will come.

My being thankful the car itself wasn't stolen: that will come.

My being thankful that it wasn't me or that nothing happened to me: that will come.

I’m not at that spot right now.  I’m aggravated because money I had for one thing I now have to put towards something else.  I’m pissed someone stole from me.  

I’m tired beyond belief of n**ger shyt.  

Because this act comes from a place of ignorance.  I’m just calling it like I see it.

Peace.

Honeymoon: Who Wouldn't Want That? (Food For Thought)

A honeymoon is the traditional holiday taken by newlyweds to celebrate their marriage in intimacy and seclusion. (source Wikipedia)

If the wedding is mainly for the ladies, then the honeymoon should definitely benefit the guys. 

Just think about it for a moment.

http://www.myharusi.com

The wedding is for the lady to be in the spotlight.  She gets to be queen for a day.  It’s her way of saying, “Look at me; I’m a star!”  Her needs, wants, and desires are catered to.  The guy’s job is simple—to make things as stress free as possible.  Even if that means being dressed up in a tux that may feel a bit hot.  Even if that means the pomp and circumstance isn’t necessarily his cup of tea.  If it were up to some guys, it would be a simple as being in his backyard and having a guy over to marry the two of them.  Wouldn’t have to worry about a lot of planning and plus, he’d be near his house—in case he wanted to grab a cold one afterwards.  In my experiences, I haven’t heard any straight guy gush about his wedding colors, the fabrics, the cake, or the place settings.

The honeymoon is all about relaxing.  It is all about winding down from the stress of the wedding.  It is getting away from the crowd, getting away from the monotony of life.  A person can sit at home and play video games any day.  The honeymoon is about the guy and the girl, and any activity outside of their cocoon doesn’t exist.

Source: Tumblr

The female can get as uninhibited as she wants.  If the guy and girl are living together, who wants to worry about the cops knocking because of the noises?  On top of that, who wants to worry about the kids walking in?  A female is a fan of a different setting.  There’s something about a different bed in a luxurious hotel.  Or privacy on a beach.  An indoor Jacuzzi.  It makes her feel special.  It makes her feel like she wants to do and be extra.  The mood can be set without any interruption.  It is just very freeing.

Source: Pinterest

 

The guy should see this as an opportunity.  He may get exposed to a few extra tricks she decided not to bring out until the honeymoon.  He should not miss out on this uninterrupted time to love her as much as he can and as often as he can.  He can also take his time to try out some new techniques.  There is no rushing to get to final destination.  He should take his time—savor every curve, nook, and cranny.

 Being away means there’s no fire to put out—even if there was, both are too far away to do anything about it.    

I can understand why some people may not be too keen on the wedding.  Dealing with planning, people, details=stressful.

However, the honeymoon is the opportunity to experience the deepest level of intimacy with no interruptions.

What person, especially of the male persuasion, would not want that?

Just putting it out there.

Peace.

Travel Journal 2011--The Conclusion

References: Family Ties; Travel Journal—Prequel; Travel Journal—Day One; Travel Journal—Day Two; Travel Journal—Day Three; Travel Journal—Day Four; Travel Journal—Day Five; Travel Journal—Day Six

The rest of the travel journal.

Yes, I realize it is two years later.  I was not quite prepared to write the rest of it after my grandfather's funeral.  I'm ready now.  Just so it can be closed.

I confess: I will not be able to recall the exact dates of events, only in the order in which they happened.  If you want to catch yourself up on all the events, I have left the links above for you to follow.

Just as a reminder, the names have been changed.

I took Zack up on his offer to use his laptop.  I had my portable drive with me, and that is how I was able to do some of my entries in real time.  However, I did let him have his laptop back on that Monday.  He and I didn't see each other much.  Pickle had decided she was going to move in with the sixth guy.  Unfortunately, Zack’s name wasn't on the lease, so he couldn't stay, and Pickle didn't have the money to keep the apartment on her own.  It was a very trying time, and he would confide in me about the events.  

However, I was going through so much.  I admit I didn't have as much sympathy for his situation as I used to.  He knew the type of woman he was dealing with.  I wish I knew what she did to snatch away his backbone because a guy with a stronger backbone and higher self-esteem would never allow his wife to treat him the way she treats him.  I realized I had to start distancing myself from his situation, especially if he didn't love himself enough to get away from it.  I had my own issues to deal with.

The drama didn't stop with Grandpa’s death.  

You see these situations where death brings the family closer, but no one really sees what happens after the funeral.  There’s a customary time frame where you keep checking on the family to make sure they are all right.

Eventually, those who visited from out of town have to head back.  Those who are local have things they have to check on.

Life doesn't stop because other people’s lives are on pause.

Uncle Bud headed back the Monday right after the funeral.  It was great to have him there even for a few days.  My mom didn't stir up as much ruckus when he was around.  Although my grandma hasn't told Uncle Bud, I know she still feels some type of way about him not being able to spend more time with Grandpa when he came to visit.  His wife, Louise, made that last trip about her, despite the fact that she knew about Grandpa’s condition.  Louise’s paranoia (jealousy and insecurity) didn't stop because Uncle Bud was at a funeral.  She would call constantly for Uncle Bud.  It got so bad that Grandma finally told her, “Don’t you realize he just lost his daddy?  When he’s ready to call you back, he will!” and slammed the receiver down. 

Aunt Carol and her daughter Susan stayed until Friday, and then they headed back.  It was great seeing them as well.  My mom was overheard making a few slick comments regarding Aunt Carol.  One of them was since Carol technically wasn't my grandpa’s daughter, she had no business being listed in the obituary or coming to the funeral.  However, my grandpa didn't make a distinction.  He knew Grandma had children before he came into the picture, yet he never treated them any differently.  That is what a lot of people respected about him the most.  Technically, Gloria isn't his sister, but she was so much a part of the family that he always deemed her as his sister. 

Uncle Trent was dealing with his grief in his own way.  Grandma and I noticed that the amount of time he was spending with Joanna (aka Local FBI) had begun to increase.  She was serving as his rock, and we were torn as to how to feel about it.  Joanna was the reason why Uncle Trent had trouble with the law in the first place as well as how she went about getting him.  I didn't trust her, and I never will trust her, but Grandma and I were glad she was keeping him from doing something counterproductive.  Plus, he needed someone to take his mind off what my mom did that caused him not to see Grandpa before he passed away.  He hadn't gotten past that. 

As for me, I was taking things day by day.  I tried to stick around as much as I could for Grandma, but I did recognize it was best for me to stay busy.  I promised my grandpa before he passed on I would try and be the bigger person and try to have some sort of cordial relationship with my mom.  My emotions were pulled in different directions since she had caused so much pain to Grandma and Uncle Trent.  I honestly didn't believe my mom’s version of events.  It bothered me she could look me dead in my face, unblinking, and not be straight with me.

I also didn't like the fact that she wanted me to try and get along with this new guy she was seeing.  Mr. C had a history of drug use and drug dealing.  Everyone in the neighborhood warned her, but she didn't want to listen.  I think she was just happy for the fact that she had someone she can order around or someone that could do stuff for her.  I don’t really think she had any love for him; she was just glad to trap another sucker.  She said, “Grandpa would have liked him.”  I told her, “No, he wouldn't have, and you’re delusional.”

Mr. C just gave me the creeps.  When he was around, I didn't want to stick around.  Being around my sisters was the lesser of two evils. 

Mr. C wasn't the only one.

There was also a male cousin whose energy rubbed me the wrong way.  I’m not saying he’s a bad guy but I never did feel quite comfortable around him.  

Let’s just call him Burt.  

Burt lived in the trailer just up the street from the house.  He was there, he said, to help his mom out, but we didn't see him doing a whole lot of helping.  While my sister Quasha was in town, I noticed that Burt had started coming by my mom’s trailer.  Keep in mind he had never done any visits before.  He also interjected himself in certain things that weren't any of his business.

My mom made a mistake by letting Quasha drive her vehicles all the time.  Quasha started asking if she could have one of the cars.  My mom has two cars and a truck.  Quasha said that my mom didn't need all those vehicles; my mom told her she couldn't have one.  Then Burt puts himself in the conversation, saying that my mom shouldn't be so stingy.  Also, there would be times when Burt would just invite himself over for breakfast without warning and expect there to be food for him.

There’s one thing in getting to know some of your distant relatives better, but a lot of people were starting to talk about Quasha and Burt.  Quasha and her “husband” were having problems, and her demeanor with Burt (in the eyes of not only my mom but people in the neighborhood) seemed a bit overly friendly.  The people in the neighborhood also noted that Burt’s behavior didn't seem quite like “cousinly love” whenever they were spotted.  

As more talk began to spread, there was a supposed showdown between Quasha and my mom.  The reason I say “supposed” is because I was not there when the fallout happened.  I was only told by others what occurred.  

The showdown resulted in Quasha leaving almost a week earlier than intended and catching the bus home rather than flying back.  Burt didn't show his face after the talk reached a fever pitch.  It does make one really wonder if the unthinkable really did happen between the two of them—like many have claimed.  If so, it definitely gave my uneasy feeling validation.  

There are also other male cousins who have perv like tendencies.  In other words, I wouldn't leave my female child around them.  I’m not saying they have done anything but they do get a bit weird: uncomfortably weird.

I ended up having to go back a tiny bit earlier than anticipated.  At the time, I was still on unemployment and there was this meeting I had to attend in order to keep my unemployment going.  Plus, some other things were going on back in New Jersey that was causing a bit of financial disruption.  I explained things to my grandma; she understood.  She was happy I was able to stay as long as I did.

After all the emotional turmoil, I welcomed the trip back to NJ.  The few talks I did have with my mom made me feel uneasy.  I felt more like I was the parent, and she was the child.  I saw how she would go back and forth with her dealings with Mr. C., and although I wasn't too fond of him, I didn't think it was right how she would behave with him.  As long as he was doing things for her, everything was fine, but when the well ran dry, it was a different story. 

During the time I was around, she never spent any true quality time with my youngest sister.  She was content with letting her go by different people’s houses, and a couple of times, she didn't know which house my sister had gone to.  Quasha, before she made her departure, had noticed this, too, and had made plans to call Child Protective Services on my mom once again.  My mom found out about it, and I think that is another reason why she and Quasha had the big falling out. 

I don’t want Quasha to be involved in any part of my life whatsoever.  Her energy is too angry, and if the situation between her and Burk is actually true, I don’t want her anywhere near any kids that I hope or plan to have.  That image alone just does something to my spirit.  I’m okay with that.

All the actions of my mom, even when interacting with her one on one, still give me great pause to provide an overall welcome mat.  I found myself wondering if I could honor the promise I made to Grandpa while staying true to my principles and guarding my Self from her harm.

End of Travel Journal

Updates: 

Zack—Not too long after Pickle moved in with the other guy, things began to fall apart with her new start.  At the same time, Zack had started to get involved with a new female.  Pickle got word of the situation, and Zack decided to give Pickle another go.  Although his family will never like her, it seems that she’s really trying to make an effort to be the faithful wife.

Uncle Trent—Additional trouble popped up and now Uncle Trent can’t be on the property for an extended period of time.  A lot of that has to do with my mom’s false accusations.

Quasha—No word from her since she left that day.

Karmen—She has an on again, off again relationship with my mom.  Last time I checked, it was off, and has been off for a while now.

Uncle Bud and Aunt Louise—Well, Aunt Louise decided to retire (although other sources told me they gave her an ultimatum: retire or get fired), which made it a bit challenging for Uncle Bud.  Aunt Louise is finding out quickly how far money stretches when you are only getting it once a month.  He’s going to take advantage of early retirement, and once he does, he will finally move into the trailer he put down on the property some years ago.  I’m not sure how that is going to go, since Mom can’t stand Aunt Louise and the trailers are right across from each other.

My youngest sister is still practically raising herself.

Mom—Somehow, she has made enemies with everyone in our neighborhood, and I didn't think that was even possible.  Our family always had peace with the other neighbors.  Yet, there’s been turmoil ever since my mom arrived.  A lot of people, myself included, wonders what she is still doing in Mississippi.  She’s not there for Grandma.  She doesn't even check on Grandma to see if she is all right nor give a phone call.  She goes out of her way to make things difficult for those around her.  It’s like she craves the attention, regardless of whether it is negative or not.

For a multitude of reasons (a lot which have been covered in other journal entries), I have restricted how much access she has to me.  She sent me a message talking about she was going into the hospital and she didn't know if she was going to make it or not.  

From anyone else, I would have responded right away.  

Unfortunately, my mom has pulled stunts like this before—where she says she’s going to be in the hospital and she never goes; or she does go, but only stays overnight or just checks herself out.

I figured if she was really as bad off as she said, she would have explained to me what was going on with her heart as well as hospital and room number information for me to check up on her.  If she wanted to hear back from me so badly, she would have provided that type of information.  Yet I never heard anything.  When she reached out to me, I thought she hadn't been put in the hospital.

However, I look at her Facebook and it states that she had gotten out of the hospital.  How does she have time to Facebook and facing life or death heart surgery?  Am I missing something here?  It just didn't sit well with me.  So it’s hard for me to believe the surgery was as major as it was.  Heck, some may even think she really didn't have the surgery at all.

It just perturbs me.  If someone is ill, I shouldn't have to question whether the illness is real or some rouse to get my attention.  Plus, if she is actually ill, she’s done the whole “boy who cried wolf scenario” so much, no one may come running.

The question remains—Is she prepared to deal with that reality?

She can only answer that for herself.

Peace.

Congestion, Creativity, and Current Events

Greetings, everyone!

My appearance has been a bit sporadic, and it has nothing to do with not having the will.  It's more so the fact that just when I'm starting to get back in the swing of things, something else comes along to knock the wind out of my sails.

Ebay would make tons of money if they offered new immune systems.  I'd get one of those in a minute!  It hasn't failed yet.  I am guaranteed to get at least four flu like colds (or cold-like flus) a year--one for each season.  Summer colds are definitely the worst!  Also, the grass and pollen in NJ aggravates my allergies.  At times, allergies and colds are jocking for position.

In this instance, I think I just have an extended cold.  It sucks because one side of my nostril is stuffy but the other one isn't really stuffy at all.  At this point, I would rather my nose be runny because at least the mucus would come out, and I could somewhat breathe.  Food I normally would eat just tastes strange.  I've been drinking mostly fluids because I'm noticing my appetite is decreasing again.

I haven't had a chance to post the Fitness Entries, but I have slowly started making my way back into the gym.  The workouts have left me feeling a bit exhausted rather than invigorated.  I have discovered that working out with a cold or any type of aggravation with my immune system spells disaster, so I've been trying not to push myself too hard.

However I have been doing some much needed reorganizing around the apartment, which includes moving around some furniture.  One of the wood shelves of my bookcase decided to go on the attack, so there's a bit of a bruise on the leg.  The initial peeling of skin is healed, but I'm definitely going to have to invest in some cocoa butter.

Wood=1; No Labels=0

As far as my current project, Reflections of Soul, there has been a tiny bit of hiccup with the original publisher I chose.  I'm not saying it still won't go through with them, but it's taking a bit of extended time to get everything to full specifications.  I may need a bit of outside expertise to see it until the end.  

I do have another publishing platform as a back up in case this falls through.  I was primarily going to use them for any hardcover copies, but I may have to rethink it.  If I do use them, I will use a different cover to designate between it and the one I'm trying to get published via the first venue.

I have opened myself to having this book available to those who are accustomed to using an ereader.  I do admit I still like the feel of a book in my hand, but the times have changed.  Even in the environment at my office, everyone has an ereader or a phone that is capable of reading books.  I have to adapt with the times.

For the past couple of days, I've been tinkering with making Reflections of Soul available in ebook form.  Quite a few people have been telling me about Smashwords, and I've gotten a chance to interact with some great writers on there so far.  I figure it is worth a try.  

So there is a possibility the ebook may be available before the printed copy.

Once everything is a go, I will spread the word.  Who knows?  I may throw in a coupon for you to check it out for free, just as a big "Thank You" for the support.

Peace.

Queen of Spades presents Reflections of Soul (Coming Soon)

Book cover by Kali Monroe of Fancy Face Kreations

Reference:  Projects--Past, Present, and Future; 2013--One Shots and Continuous

Hello, all:

This is a bit of an update regarding one of the projects I'm putting the final touches on, entitled Reflections of Soul.  


Reflections of Soul is one of my shorter poetry collections totaling about 56 pages.  After hearing such positive feedback from two fellow writers, Angela Lykebudda White and Andrew Boyd, I decided to make CreateSpace my first spot for distribution of this work.

However, I am saddened that there's no hardcover option through them.  I admit I have a soft spot for hardcovers (nice play on words there), so a part of me may still entertain Lulu (who I did my first two works with) just to have that option of hardcover.

I'm waiting to hear back from CreateSpace.  As soon as everything is finalized, I will share information on how to get your copy of this work.

I would like to give so much thanks to Kali Monroe of Fancy Face Kreations.  No, she and I have never met face to face (this has to get rectified soon), but I feel a definite closeness to her.  She has such a vibrant, honest energy about her, and she is creative gold with everything she touches.  I am blessed to have her in my corner.


The more detailed description can be found on Queen of Spades' blog--A Queen's Ramblings.  I will be taking excerpts from it to give a more detailed synopsis of how this particular writing came into formation.

Background from A Queen's Ramblings:

...It has been about seven years since I've actively published.  Private Pain, although I think the work was needed and necessary, proved to be a lot more exhausting on an emotional scale than originally anticipated.  I felt extremely exposed, and I wasn't sure if I would be that comfortable in sharing in that way again.  I did that work, and there were so many things going on in the background.  It was a miracle that work even made it into print.

...Once my long term relationship ended, I was running on below E, yet I didn't know how long it would take for me to even get back to where I was, much less at E.  I had lost so much of who I was, and then I wondered if I ever defined who I was to begin with.

Before the relationship became an unstable roller coaster, there was a great deal of inspiration.  This drove me to compose a collection inspired by the writings of this other person.  These pieces were written in the span of about three months back in the year 2003.  After the disillusion of the bond in 2008, I debated as to whether to destroy these pieces, since I could not look at them in the beginning without all of the negative things flowing back in.

Each time I started to, a voice would say, "Queen, don't do it."

...One day, earlier this year, while doing a bit of Spring Cleaning, I discovered the collection again.  This time around, I didn't feel the anger or the twinge of pain.  I just felt an appreciation for the work and was glad for the inspiration behind it.  I realized I still had things I wanted to say.  I also realized the only way I could really put things behind me was to go ahead and publish the work.

I am glad for the reemergence.  Thanks to everyone who has supported me.

Enjoy your weekend!

Peace.

I Don't Know How To Quit You: 2nd Job Insanity

My name is No Labels, and I confess.  I have strong workaholic tendencies. 

I think it started off in my childhood.  I always admired my grandparents.  Even though both of them were retired, they always found ways to keep active.  I rarely saw either one of them very still for very long—until they both started to decline in health.  My grandpa would always wake up early to do yard work or if the car needed an oil change, he would do that.  He would have his time to look at TV, but when he was driving, he would always find a way to get out the house.  He was always doing something.

My grandma’s biggest thing was cleaning.  Being productive.  At times, even rearranging furniture to a new location.  Grandpa wasn't always around or available at the time she wanted to do these things, so she and I could easily be found moving around a couch on our own.  Not saying it was smart, but as women, we did what we had to do.

I am starting to recognize that the strong can teeter towards borderline toxic.  It is hard to really pick up right away.  You are just proud of yourself to being so determined and so motivated.  That’s the overall feeling at first. 

However, if the productivity isn't truly appreciated and valued…

If the workaholic effort leaves you more drained than invigorated and empowered…

If the ends are really not justifying the means…

Then, it is definitely time to start re-evaluating the situation.

I said all this to lead into my situation with my second job.  There had been baby earthquakes popping up here and there, but some things really started coming to head.  Honestly, dating back to when this new guy took over the travel plaza.

Yes, I agree the other lady needed to go.  She was a bit lackadaisical.  She’s one of those types that had been in power for so long that she just wanted to sit back and collect a paycheck.  I don’t think she was as proactive as she needed to be as far as the welfare of her employees as well as the plaza.  

When inspections came, the higher ups decided to clean house.  The other head guy was fired; they gave her the option to step down or transfer.  

However, in the cleaning house, they should have gotten rid of this other guy, too (who I will deem as Mr. C.).

Imagine a stockier version of Ned Flanders but with a Donald Trump like toupee.  Put those two together and you have Mr. C.  

The reason I say they should have gotten rid of Mr. C. is because he is similar to the other lady they transferred.  He’s been in management power for so long he just wants to get a paycheck.  He passes on his duties to this other lady, who I've nicknamed The Dragon, yet takes all the credit.  He takes shortcuts which are very unethical.  Also, he isn't honest when it comes to adhering to people’s availability and schedules (which I’ll definitely be expanding on).  Plus, he doesn't know nearly as much as he needs to know to have all the power that he does have, yet he gets upset when he is called out on it.  I could go on and on, but I think that is enough meat to sink your teeth into.

The other guy (I’ll deem him Mr. M) wanted to make all these changes.  The issue I have is the fact that he makes sudden changes and assumes they have been communicated with other members of the staff.  

One change he decided to make was that the Travel store would be open at 6 am instead of 7 am and would close at 10:30 pm instead of 9:30 pm on weekdays.  Hours for the weekends would be 6 am-11:30 pm.  

Since I am one of the people who do mornings on weekends, did anyone reach out to me to check and see if those hours would be feasible for me?

No.  I didn't get one phone call from Mr. M. or from Mr. C. (who does my schedule) to let me know about these changes.  They know I have another job.   I just felt like a little courtesy was in order.

As it turns out, the one hour bump up isn't feasible for me because of the fact that during the weekends, The Sweetie doesn't work a full eight hour shift.  

Since the buses don’t start running in my neck of the woods until seven, I have to have time to go and pick him up, drop him off at the apartment, and then make my way to work.  I could still do that with my schedule being at seven.  It wasn't going to be feasible with my coming in at six.

My first correspondence with them was letting them know I didn't take too kindly to them not notifying me of the changes in store hours.  I also let them know that I couldn't come in at six am on Saturdays and Sundays and to consider it my two weeks’ notice.

Mr. C. went into panic mode.  He ensured me that he would find hire someone to come in and do early Saturday and Sunday mornings and then he could put me on a later shift---like an 8-4 or a 9-5.  He asked me if that would be feasible for me.  He didn't want me to go since I was such a good, dependable worker. 

So I temporarily held off.

Mr. C. did hire three new people.  Then, I found out that Mr. M wanted the travel plaza to be open 24 hours, putting us in direct competition with Sunoco, which already is open 24 hours.

So now, I’m wondering if these people are mainly going to be overnight rather than someone to cover early shift on the weekends.  I got told only one person was doing overnight, the other one was doing midday to help out Dragon Mon-Fri, and the third person would be doing day shift on the weekend.

However, Mr. C. lied, not just to me but to one of the people that he hired.  

The one lady, who only agreed to work there because Mr. C. said she would definitely have weekends off, got a rude awakening when he started scheduling her for midday hours over the weekend.  The situation got nasty because Dragon went and told Mr. C. that the lady (who I deem Do What I Want) wasn't going to come in on Sunday (the last Sunday in April).  It wouldn't have been such a big deal except I was training the new girl (who I will deem Can’t Count Change), so I wouldn't have anyone to really cover my break.  Do What I Want was going to tell Mr. C. privately, but Dragon overhead what she said, and immediately went and told Mr. C.  

Then, Mr. C. instead of discussing it with Do What I Want privately decides to be snooty and put her on blast, asking “Do you have a problem with the schedule?”  When Do What I Want let him know about the situation regarding babysitting for her seven month old son, she reminded him of the initial agreement she thought they had regarding her being hired.  Mr. C. looked at Do What I Want and without missing a step said, “I never had that agreement with you.”  

I see the Dragon smirking—she is that type that throws the rock, hides her hand, and then tries to act like she’s your friend.  So of course, Do What I Want is upset and understandably so. 

Her attitude becomes different, and she begins taking it out on other people, which I had to deal with the following day, while I was training Can’t Count Change.  I understand she was mad at Dragon and Mr. C., but I’m not the major problem, and neither was the other co-worker (who I will deem Hard Working but Gets No Credit).  She got really nasty with Hard Working after I left that day, and ended up leaving her shift early.  She was scheduled until six but left at around 4:30.

Since I had made multiple complaints about the Dragon, Mr. C. had given his word that he wouldn’t schedule Dragon and I on the same shift together.  However, that word was broken when on two Saturdays, I had to end up dealing with her.  She doesn’t talk to me—she barks orders at me like I’m some type of dog.  With her, I act passive because that’s not how you address me.  I’m the type of person who is proactive.  I don’t sit around waiting for someone to tell me what to do—I know what needs to be done, so I just do it.  

If I disagree with something, she will go and constantly complain about me to management in an attempt to get me fired.  What she did on the last Saturday of the month (which was the same day the incident between her and Do What I Want happened) was my breaking point—the extent at which she lied.  It was all because I refused to do a task she was supposed to be doing.  She claimed I called her something derogatory, and the term she said I used I would NEVER use because The Sweetie is of that heritage.  That really incensed me.

Also, I began noticing that my health wasn't as great as it had been.  The progress I had been making in my levels started to backslide.  The doctor in his last visit expressed great concern and said I should cut down my hours or quit the job altogether.  It was okay as long as my hours were kept to two days a week. 

However in the weeks before I decided to leave, my hours had increased.  One week, I was working four days a week.  I just felt like my availability wasn't being respected, nor was my medical condition, although I let them know the details of my medical condition.

It also didn’t help when I found out Can’t Count Change was being trained to help out with overnight, not with morning shift on the weekend.  So I found out Mr. C. lied to me.  If he could lie so easily to Do What I Want, then what’s to stop him from lying to other people just to get them to stay?

On that Sunday, I was like, “What am I doing here?”  The ends just weren't justifiable anymore.  I was dealing with a manager that wouldn't reprimand his lead, no matter how many complaints she has received from other employees about her treatment of them as well as her mannerisms.  I was dealing with a lead that had it in for me.  The new people they were bringing in were lazy and disrespectful, and the progress I was making in my health was declining. 

My hair had started to come out again, and that was the ultimate warning sign for me: I had to get away from there.  

Two weeks be damned!  I attempted to give it to them before, but Mr. C. lied so that I would stay.  The company allowed treatment that was dishonorable towards me, so in my eyes, due to the fact that my health was involved, I didn’t feel justified in giving them two weeks.  Because knowing them, they would try to talk me out of it or convince me to stay.  This time, I just wasn’t having it.

I presented them with formal written documentation—fax and hard copy.  I also gave back my badge.  May 1^st was my resignation date.

As of this typing, although they have clearly received everything (I keep copies of everything), my name is still on their schedule. 

I have not shown up for work.  No call and no show is something I don’t do.  They know this about me.  They also know that unless it is doctor related, I don’t miss two days back to back.  I didn't show up the first weekend after I quit.  I didn't show up this past weekend.  I won’t be showing up this Thursday.

Since leaving there, my levels are becoming more stable.  I am able to eat at earlier hours, better hours.  I am able to eat healthier and on a more consistent basis.  The hair is in the process of repairing.  I feel like such a huge weight has been lifted off me since leaving that place.

I know I’m a good worker and a hard worker, but I have to know when to walk away when I’m being disrespected.  Not regarding my health is disrespect to me.  

Going what I went through in my other job taught me a very important lesson.  No one is going to care more for my well being than me, and if I don’t hold my well being in high regard, I can’t expect anyone else to.  I decided to put a greater price tag on me, which has resulted in me using “No” more and prioritizing how high money is on the overall scheme of things.  I’m not saying money isn't important, but it’s no longer trumping health. 

I’m sticking to my decision, no matter how much they are seemingly refusing to honor my exit.

Peace.

What's Happening: The Breakdown.

Hmm...can you guess which show this is from?  This definitely means I am showing my age (LOL).

Greetings everyone!

How has everyone been doing?  I know it has been a little while since I have checked in.  It hasn't been all bad but it hasn't exactly been all good either.  I've been debating whether to start with the good or with the bad.  I’ll just pick a spot and go from there.

Exercise: The Doldrums

As far as exercise wise, April wasn't a good month for me.  I started off strong but then midway, I got sidelined by an infection that put me out of commission for a week.  Perhaps it was even longer because I started exhibiting symptoms about a week before that, but I was trying to dismiss them as old fashioned fatigue.  However, it got so bad I did cave in and call the doctor.  He let me know it was much worse, and due to my ongoing medical condition, it increases my chances of getting infections regularly.  Although the worst part is over with, my stamina isn't quite up to where it was before.

I have gone to the gym a few times since then.  I noticed that I haven’t lost much in terms of strength but my endurance for cardio has declined somewhat, so I have to start rebuilding from there.  In addition, I've had more time to do things around my apartment, so using some good old fashioned elbow grease, moving around a few items to and from, as well as going up and down two flights of stairs has proved to be a substitute until I can get my gumption back.  The last time I went to the gym was this past Thursday—as a measuring stick. 

Jobs:  Moving and Shaking

Well, I will go into more detail about this in a separate blog, but to make a long story short, I am minus one job. 

Blog Presence: Why So Stagnant

I will be covering some of this in a separate blog also.  It isn't because I’m not interested in blogging anymore.  It is mainly because I have been working hard on some writing projects I am completing.  What started off as my stopping at two ended up turning into four.  I’m being productive.  

However, a lot of times, when I’m in the thick of writing poetry or short stories, it’s a different energy from when I’m writing a blog.  However, all of these projects are nearly completion, so I’ll be back in the fold with a more prominent blog presence very soon.  Plus, it’s also very hard for me to be on social sites—Facebook and Twitter.  I get tunnel vision when I’m in creation mode. 

Life: Tidal Waves

The past few years, May has proven to be a very difficult month.  On the 5^th, two years ago, I lost my grandfather to cancer.  On this year, it was the Thursday before Mother’s Day, so my grandma doesn't have the same type of enthusiasm about Mother’s Day as she once did.  Then, on the 19^th, the longest relationship I had ever been in ended—this will mark five years since that has happened.  I've done a better job at coping when the depression hits, but it does still hit.  When it does, I find I have to step away from some things, although I haven’t been stepping away for as long, and that is definitely a good start.

I have been revisiting talking to someone, but the last time I tried, there was little progress.  No one really got to the meat of the matter.  Some just weren't good fits for me.  It wasn't the bouts of being uncomfortable that bothered me as long as I was able to put some things in proper perspective.  It was how certain issues got compartmentalized when I just had a feeling things went much deeper than just a classic “lady who has mommy and daddy issues.”  So I stopped.  Yet, my main hesitation is that I may get placed back on antidepressants, and that I do not want.  I honestly feel like a lot of my battles have less to do with chemical imbalance and more to do with talking to someone to come to terms with the things I have experienced in my life.

More to come in a little while.

Peace.

Therapy Session: Talk With My Grandpa

(hopping in the passenger side while Grandpa and I ride off to have one of our talks)

Dear Grandpa,

I can't believe it's been two years since your physical body has been gone.  I wanted to sit and chat with you for a while.

You may have noticed that although I was up early this morning, I wasn't headed into work.  I weighed out the pros and cons and ultimately decided that I had to leave the second gig.

The first time I tried to give formal two weeks was in early April because the store manager made a sudden decision to have the plaza open up at six instead of seven, yet I wasn't even consulted as to whether this would be feasible for me.  This didn't make sense to me since I was the only one who could work during that time frame on the weekends.  The job my fiance' has is overnight but on the weekends sometimes, he gets off a bit early before the buses run.  It was tough enough trying to do that just before heading in at seven, so I knew six would be practically impossible.

Out of respect, I put in two weeks.

Then, Sneaky Coon (he doesn't even deserve the title of Mister--I'll explain later) tells me he is willing to work with me and he would be bringing in some more people and possibly put me on a different shift.  Since he said he would bring in some more people, I did agree to stick around a little longer.  However, in hindsight, I feel like he did that just to ensure I wouldn't go right away.

Then, a little after that, I got very ill--ended up with an infection that took me out of work from both jobs for about a week.  I admit I haven't gotten back into my exercise routine yet, and I'm trying not to beat myself up about it, though I do feel bad.  I'm still trying to stay on top of my eating but it's been a struggle trying to get back what little appetite I tend to have.

Sneaky Coon hires three new girls, so of course, Angel (the short Ecuadorian guy) and I have to train them.  I do feel like he and I aren't getting paid training money.  Isn't that what Ruth (who I always refer to as the Dragon Lady) supposed to do as part of her role as lead?  Maybe I'm lost but I thought that is what leaders do.

You have probably picked up Dragon Lady and I do not get along because of the way she treats me.  I'm like you, Grandpa.  I don't like people talking at me.  People who talk at me I don't give the time of day to, so I admit to being a bit passive-aggressive when it comes to her.

Well, the past couple of weeks before my departure, Sneaky Coon had started piling up the hours on me.  The doctor told me it would be best for me to leave the job if he wasn't going to keep me at two days a week.  It is hard for me to stay on a set schedule for eating and testing mainly because of things at the 2nd job.  Sneaky Coon said it was to make sure the new girls were fully trained and after that he would cut down my hours, but the weeks were getting a bit tough on me, and there was a bit of drama with some of the new people.

One girl was specifically supposed to be hired for overnight shift.  This other girl said that Coon promised her she was only to work Mon-Fri for midday and give her weekends off, like one of the other girls he had with the company beforehand, who had the same first name as her.  She also said Coon told her that these other hours were just for training purposes.

Well, Coon didn't keep his word to neither one of them, which I'll explain in a little bit.

One Saturday I just got to my breaking point.  Usually, Dragon Lady and I do not work together but there had been a few recent Saturdays where she had requested some of her normal days off so it ended up putting us together.  She was trying to pass off something to me that was clearly her responsibility and it didn't make sense to me.  I told her that it made more sense for me to get the store stocked than to stay on register when we had someone coming in at 10 to take over for register.  She goes to Coon to try and get me fired, although later on Coon agrees with my point of view.

Then, the new girl (the one that was only supposed to do Mon-Fri) finds out Coon scheduled her on Sunday 12-8 and says in front of Dragon Lady and me she wasn't coming in but she would let Coon know personally during break or at the end of shift.  Dragon Lady was foaming at the mouth to tell the information (because she is messy like that), and Coon (because he is also unprofessional) proceeds to confront the girl on this in public rather than behind closed doors about the situation.  The new girl brought up the conversation about her scheduling and Coon says that they never had that conversation, which I feel is total bull.  The girl would have never agreed to it if she wasn't going to have quality time with her little baby.

Plus, I'm seeing at the corner of my eye that Dragon is smirking the whole time because she doesn't want anyone to always have weekends off except for her.

The thing which really convinced me things weren't going to change and that this job was causing me excess stress is that I've started losing some of my hair again, plus the bleeding issue I had before started up.  Also, I found out from the girl I was training on Sunday they mainly got her to help the overnight girl.  Therefore he still didn't hire anyone else to do mornings during the weekends, so Sneaky Coon wasn't being upfront. He was just saying it to hold on to me.

Usually, I would just put in another two weeks but Grandpa, these people refused my first two weeks' notice.  I just didn't want to take the chance of them trying to talk me out of it, plus I have to get myself fully healthy again.  Citing my medical reasons, I submitted copies of my resignation along with my badge, yet they still put me on the schedule for this weekend, as if they are thinking I'd change my mind.

I didn't come.

No amount of money is worth my health.  I made the wrong choice years ago, and I'm paying for it.  I almost paid a greater price with my life.  I have learned my lesson.

I haven't been talking to Mom much.  I do see these messages on FB that have been a bit disturbing, but I'm not sure how true they are.  It's sad that I have to see something and wonder if she's being truthful.  You know from your own experiences there are times when she comes up with things just to get attention.

Do you know that she's engaged?  I think she's been married enough times.  I don't think it's the guy that used to be on drugs that had you worried.  I find it laughable that she thought that you would approve of him.  It could be this detective guy.  I just feel like each time she makes the wrong choice.  She should focus on trying to be a better mom, at least to her youngest daughter.  All the rest of us are grown.  It's sad but I think she did it just because of the fact that I'm engaged.

Speaking of engaged, I'm still with the same guy you met a few months before you passed away.  About seven months after you passed away, he did propose to me, I know you've probably been wondering what has been taking so long.  Well, he and I were trying to save back the money and we were on the right track, but it wasn't really the money that fell apart.  It was more of the people who were supposed to be in our wedding party.  I didn't feel like coming up with brand new people to be in the wedding nor have to go through the whole process all over again with organizing and what not.  Originally, the big ceremony was to take place less than six months from now on November 3rd, which would have marked our four year anniversary.

I realize time is precious and that I can have something bigger a bit later.  Therefore, it will happen next month--two witnesses, justice of the peace, and us.  I think it will be a lot less drama that way.  A few days ago, we secured the matching bands.

I do admit I am a little bit nervous.  Were you nervous?  I envy the Sweetie.  He seems pretty calm, cool, and collected.  I think it is mainly because he wanted to marry me a lot earlier but I was the main one that wanted to wait.

Getting married is a big deal.  I don't see how people can go through the process multiple times.  I don't want to be like, Mom.  If Mom marries this guy, it'll be her fourth marriage.  I'm not saying she can't date.  I just want to know who she really is without having a man around, and I don't think she even knows who that person is.

I'm nervous about motherhood, too.  No, I'm not pregnant. (Don't give me that look.)  I'm sticking to my guns to do things in a certain way.  I'm concerned because of how I am medically along with my age.  I know women have been waiting until later, but I was hoping to have gotten finished with childbirth by the time I had reached 32, not being mid 30's just getting started.  I'm sure I can talk to Grandma about it, but I know Grandma misses you and thinks about joining you from time to time.  It just sucks I don't have that bond with my mom to discuss these types of things with her, since she wasn't a good role model for that.  Luckily with the help of close ones who already have children they can give guidance and coaching, perhaps even babysitting services.

Since my decision to leave the second job, the stress induced bleeding has subsided.  The unfortunate hair loss will take some time to repair.  It is in a different spot than before and not as huge, so enough hair is covering it up.  I've been doing little exercises here and there--some in the form of cleaning--but haven't been revved up to get back to the gym.

The dark clouds still linger, although not as bad.

I miss you.  I had some maple syrup on some pancakes today and was thinking of you.  Plus, I saw some of that hard peppermint candy you like.  So many things make me feel like you are in the room.  Did you know Peter Pan has peanut butter that doesn't have the high fructose corn syrup (since I can't have a lot of that)?  It taste just as good as the normal one you liked to get.  You would put it on crackers more so than on bread, but you loved it.

I know you wouldn't want me to cry.  You would want me to smile.  You would want me to still be full of hope and continue to fight.  I admit, I've felt a bit knocked down and my light has been dim.

I will smile.  I will rise and fight.  Because through the pain, your spirit continued to rise and fight, and so much of what composes me stems from you.

Love always.