I am not sure if many of you have picked up on this but I have a thing for acronyms. I was on one of my brief walks while at work. By brief, I mean anywhere from ten to fifteen minutes. I've decided to start doing that on days when the temperature is just right and it's not raining. Plus, it gives me a brief reprieve from my work and prevents me from forgetting to take my shorter breaks.
While walking, I noticed there was a throwback on Facebook involving misconceptions about me. However, rather than doing a huge number (think one for each day of May), I figured I would post some entries in my blog/journal. Some of these MOMs (Misconceptions On Monica) I may not have discussed before, due to these events or revelations taking place recently.
Without further adieu, let's get started.
One of the first topics I'd like to dip my manicured toenail in involves my emotional composition after my divorce, along with my perceptions about love in the present.
MOM #1: Since my divorce, I have become bitter and have given up on love entirely.
I have experienced many emotions, but it may surprise those reading to know that bitterness wasn't one of them.
I was saddened that it didn't work out because he started out as my friend. As I mentioned in a previous entry, written on the anniversary of my divorce, I was okay with us not working out romantically, but there was a brief time when the friendship could have stayed intact ... until it couldn't. There are not enough apologies or attempts at redeemed behavior that can make a friendship work between us again. It took me time to properly mourn over our friendship, the death of who he presented to me.
One can be sad and feel liberated at the same time.
When everything got finalized, I felt liberated. I did not know what my future held. All I knew was I'd rather face the unknown alone than stay in a situation where I knew the two of us were unhappy (although he'd never admit that). He could live his life the way he pleased, and I could get to the business of living life in a way that would fulfill, fortify, and heal me ... whatever vision that looked like.
The breakup provided the breakthrough to realize how broken I was. How much healing that I had to do. The failure of the marriage put me on the pathway to learning.
Since it had been so long since I'd gone out and dated (I had been with my ex for close to nine years), I was not familiar with "love bonding", spotting "hobosexuals" (individuals who cozy up to a woman just to have a place to stay), guys making a woman feel like a top choice but she's actually in a "holding pattern", or a man making do with a woman that would get him perfect for the next woman.
The brief relationship I was in demonstrated that I was still open to love ... that no matter how much disappointment and pain I'd been through in other relationships, there was still a snippet that remained optimistic. By this time, I had improved in being more vocal about what I liked and didn't like. Questioning in the interim what didn't make sense to me.
Although the union did not last long, it showed my awareness had improved in what wasn't working for me. I still had more work to do.
Fast forward to the present day.
I have not given up on love but the romanticized presentation of the term. I think love is bigger than what is presented in a romantic comedy or the glorification of the struggle (re: against all odds in order to be together). Companionship isn't always going to be easy going but if it's a mental, emotional, and spiritual roller coaster every day, then that's toxic.
I've had enough toxic waste during my existence to fill a galaxy, Sprit knows. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting companionship where peace is placed on a pedestal.
The way that I see and love people skews differently from others. Attractiveness does have its place but it pales in comparison to a person's intellect. Not just a few lines here and there to get my attention, but really know how to have a conversation. To not only share what one does, but what one thinks and feels about subjects outside of one's self. Based on individuals I've encountered over the years, this has begun to become a rarity, not the standard.
There is also increased sensitivity to language. This careful selection of words. In a new age where an opinion with the wrong word usage can be seen as triggering, what marks the balance between being authentic and being rehearsed? Speaking from a place of being a creative sort, does that translate into navigating through the dating world and relationships differently, now that I'm in a space where I no longer want to apologize or make concessions for who I am?
I addressed in a previous entry whether I was ready to go back out and explore dating. I would probably do a different approach when I decide to make the move. More conversations, not just online but also on the phone, would have to occur before a meet and greet. Plus, the meet and greet I would not limit to just items having to do with the usual (re: dinner and a movie) ... a bit more diversity in activities as well as other characteristics.
In addition, maybe a hierarchy. Sort of similar to my current interactions with people. For me, just because a meeting doesn't end up in a second date doesn't automatically mean that I would want to quit talking to the person. Yet, the only way I would offer friendship is if I'm indeed interested in pursuing that. I'm not an individual that just says that as a line to shut someone down. It just leaves the gateway open for another type of connection if that person wants to ... no hard feelings if the person chooses not to.
Overall, I believe that will be the healthier, most important way to go about the process. Not to overthink. Not to assume but have clarity. Exert equal and reciprocal effort. See the reality of a person, not the empathic deep dive into potential. If I approach from that angle, who knows what will blossom?
Until that time comes ... and until next time.
No comments:
Post a Comment